Fear not that which can destroy the body, but that which can destroy the soul...

The math problems slowly worked themselves through in his head. "Genius" they'd called him. Ha. This was child's play.

The world around him was completely ignored. His mind a machine droving toward one goal.

He had mastered Calculus during the first quarter of his fifth year in elementary school. And here he sat.

Twelve and a senior in high school. He did not understand the drama that was high school. A new commotion began somewhere.

He lost concentration as shouts rose. A unmistakable sound reached his ears. He looked around.

The barrel of a gun faced his calculating face. What a shame, he thought. He saw the hand pull the trigger.

-----

"Sit down everyone!" Teaching was not her thing. How ironic. She always wanted to be a teacher.

After six years in college and two of those years as an intern at the local highschool the substitute realized this was NOT her field. She tried to restore order.

"Listen up! Class is beginning! Johnny I said sit down please!" The boy turned around and faced the only girl in the front row.

Inside his pocket went his hand, and out came---a gun?! "Johnny!" Several cries omitted from nearby students.

One ran for the door. The teacher ran for Johnny. A muzzle flash, a deafening bang, a groan. She was too late! Johnny turned the gun on the next closest boy. No!

-----

"No, Johnny, for the last time I won't go out with you!" How many times would Linda have to tell him?

"Yeah freak, she doesn't want you, can't you get that?" The student's laughter made her feel bad for him, but not that much.

"Guys, stop. Just leave him alone." "Sit down everyone!" The children made their way to their seats. Except Johnny.

"Johnny sit down! The teacher is gonna write you up if you don't listen!" He didn't move. He only stared.

"Listen up! Class is beginning! Johnny I said sit down please!" "Johnny?" Linda whispered his name, feeling fear creep up her spine.

He reached into his pocket and she wondered what trinket he would shove in her face to make his point. His hand came out and Linda gasped.

People ran. The gun was pointed to her midsection before she had time to move. And as fast as it began it was over, she was on the floor: blood pooling. More shots split the air.

-----

"Tell Johnson I am sick of her PE class tracking mud through my hallway right after it's been cleaned! Can't she go through the gym instead?"

"Doug, I understand your frustration, but surely you---What was that?" The principal looked at the janitor, their eyes both affirming the others worst fears.

A group of wandering students looked down the hallway, eyes wide. "Get into a classroom now!" The principal spoke more harshly than he intended, his muscles were tense.

More shots rang through the school, making a more clear announcement than if the principal had yelled "Fire" over the intercom.

Lunch had just ended and many students were still getting back to class. Now they ran for their lives.


-----

"Haha, you're so funny, Sam!" Julia laughed in the most flirtatious way she knew how. It was working like a charm.

"Julia, you know you're pretty awesome." He grabbed her hand and her heart skipped a beat. Skipping down the hallway. . .could it get any better?

"Can I ask you a question Sam?" Sam opened his mouth to speak but the loudest sound Julia had ever heard blasted her left ear.

She cupped her hand to her ears and turned to see a girl fall from a chair gushing blood. The boy with the gun turned on the small boy in the next seat.

She screamed as he pulled the trigger again, and faced the door. Sam pulled her away from the door as shot after shot came.

"I hate you all! Do you hear? I hate EVERYONE!" Bang. Bang. Bang. Bang.

------
------

"I've compiled a video time line of the events, Sir." "I'll watch it later, the press is demanding a statement." The sergeant sighed. "Kids. . .what drives them to this?"

Sergeant Jamie Instef stepped out of the office into the hallway. Tragedy echoed through it's silent corridors. What he wouldn't give to resign today.

So many devastated parents. So many outraged citizens. So many students lying on a floor drenched in the very thing that gave them life.

One student amid them all clenching a gun 'till it's owner's last breath. God help us all.

His eyes concentrated on the ground. Or did they? Their focus was beyond the floor, reaching past it in deperation.

“I-will-not!” Between gasps of air the words smacked against
the walls before bouncing back into his own ears.

With hands at his sides, he felt blood steadily dripping
from one arm. It was time.

His whole body was on fire. Every nerve screaming to end the
pain.

His hand clenched around the knife as he slowly raised it to
his other arm.

Emitting a cry that ravaged his entire body, yet barely
making it past his throat, he brought the knife down swiftly.

The feelings were gone. The pain was gone, yet everywhere.

The will to live seemed to leave with the blood now gushing from his arm.  

In another world, it seemed, he heard the knife clatter to
the floor. Save me. Tears joined the pool of red around his feet.

“I can’t do this.” The words became sobs as his knees
connected with the floor.

He awoke with a start, quickly feeling the scars on his
arms. The dreams had been getting worse. With a sigh he opened his Bible.

“Jesus, I believe you have healed me…keep Sarah safe.” After
reading I Corinthians 13, he drifted to sleep.

A bird fluttered past the window. A squirrel scurried up a tree. Life wasn't that complex. . .was it?

Millions of thoughts seemed to hurtle through his head at once. Memories. Sweet memories.

"I don't. . ." the words weren't coming. ". . .I can't." He whispered the last two words in defeat, or perhaps in resolve; he wasn't sure which.

"You can't what?" The voice in his head was relentless. He dropped his head as tears spilled into open palms.

He swallowed, hands shaking, before clenching them tightly. He wanted to move on. Didn't he? The pain was. . .he couldn't think of the right word.

Reaching inside his pocket, he pulled out his phone, quickly opening a saved message.

It read, "From Sarah: I love u prince. Don't forget 2 rescue me! Ha ha."

It was worth it, he realized. She may be gone, but she was still worth the world to him. No matter the pain.

The very thought of her calmed him at once. He closed his eyes with a smile.

"I'm sorry dear. Looks like your rescuer needs rescuing." What a cliché, he thought. And yet, "I am yours forever my princess."

The smell of freshly cut grass reached his nose. His eyes were still closed. He breathed in and out in long breaths. He'd been here before.

The air was not too thick, and not too thin. Perfect, as it should be. Silence enveloped the area around him. It was just the two of them again.

He opened his eyes, and gazed upon a gray slab of stone. Words etched in it caught his attention. He read:

"Sarah Honagon. Loving daughter, and friend. Living in our memories forever." He swallowed hard.

It was almost more than he could take. He knew he was in the right place though. With a quick glance around he realized he was still alone.

He closed his eyes again and looked long upon the gaping hole that used to be his heart. What happened?

The long battle between logic and defiance had given out beneath him. It was as if a volcano in his heart had filled to a dangerous level, and ruptured.

All that was left were his emotions laid bare. Tender. Easily provoked. Try as he might, control was just out of reach.

He could see her face as if she was right in front of him. His lips curved into a small smile. His heart jumped to his throat.

He formed the words slowly. I know you. He breathed in shakily, and said simply, "You have my heart till the end. Don't forget me."

Dreams, Come and gone.

 

The Rose in his hand smelled strong, its thorns pierced his hand lightly. The line of people was shorter than he had expected it to be, winding like a snake to the front.

 

Tears flowed without remorse around him, slowly easing the pain. He gripped the Rose tighter, and the line moved forward.

 

Could it all have been a dream, mere imagination from his mind? He knew it wasn’t; He wished it were.

 

And suddenly, he was there. Standing in front of that black box which he had been dreading to see. He peered inside reluctantly, but firmly.

 

Her face was peaceful. His mind flashed through a hundred different memories. He’d loved this girl. He loved her still.

 

His heart constricted, his pulse quickened. So young. So small. So beautiful. He loved her.

 

The words escaped his lips. I love you. Hot tears stabbed at his eyes and he wished it all to be over. He looked at her one last time, willing her face to be burned in his memory.

 

He awoke with a start and quickly realized what had happened. He bit his lip, reached under his pillow, and pulled out a picture. Her picture.

 

Without looking at it, he hugged it close to his heart. His breathing slowed, his heartbeat slowed. He closed his eyes, and pulled the blanket to his chin.

 

“Three little words my dear. I love you.” And he drifted back to sleep.

"I give you . . .the class of 2010!"

A thousand cheers rose in the small square as hats were thrown into the sky, completing the tableau. Julie sprang from her seat with a smile none could match. Her face was wet with tears of joy as Tim descended from the stage into the crowd, searching for her. Their eyes met and he grinned wide, face glowing like an angel. He approached at a dash and lifted Julie off her feet in a tight hug.

"You did it sweetie! I’m so proud." She felt her words didn’t do enough justice so she hugged him harder still. Tim chuckled and kissed her head returning the intensity.

"Couldn’t have done it without you Mom," He said, eyes twinkling then faltering only for a second he added, "Or dad."

She gazed into his face smiling more still. "You know how proud he would be. You’ve done more than either of us could have imagined, and you are only just beginning." He soaked in her words with another smile and glanced up catching somebody’s eye.

They exchanged more words, Julie praising her son and feeling that nothing could make her happier, Tim receiving the praises and persisting in his "Imminent failure without you" speech.

Julie glanced around for the first time and watched as hundreds of parents congradulated their children with equal joy. She noticed a certain girl standing a ways behind Tim, sneaking looks every few seconds at him. She looked up at Tim with a new smile, "I think somebody is wanting to talk to you. How about I scoot to the house and make some lunch and you guys can come in a while?"

He grinned, "Sounds wonderful, mom. I’ll see you soon then?" He walked with a different "spring" in his step as he approached his girlfriend.

With a long last look at Tim, Julie turned and weaved through the crowd toward the parking lot.

She pulled out of the lot and onto the road, her mind on her son. Her joy could barely be kept in her without bursting forth. Every so often she wiped away more tears of happiness at the thought of how far Tim had come in so little time.

Her thoughts turned to John. It seemed as if it was just yesterday. . .

"Please? Just ONE more? Please!?" Timmy’s bedtime story had been more exciting than usual. He was eager to hear more.

John looked down with a twinkle in his eye and a broad smile on his face.
"Tomorrow night. Now it is time to rest." Timmy understood this as a sign that he was to stop asking questions but John didn’t move. Tim’s mind jumped this way and that way as a young mind does, suddenly bringing to memory something that had happened earlier that day.

"Hey dad...in school today, Mrs. Mayern asked us what we wanted to be when we grow up."

John looked down with a curious face. "And what do you want to be when you grow up?"

Timmy’s grin was larger than life. "A policeman just like you!" He announced it as if giving the winning answer to a question he knew better than anybody else.

John smiled a thoughtful and appreciative smile. "It doesn’t matter what you want to be son, no matter what you set your mind to, you can do. Don’t ever let anyone tell you different."

"Yes, sir."

John chuckled. It was these moments when he tried to be serious with his son, that his son understood and John loved him all the more for it.

"You’ll help me, wont’cha dad?" Tim grinned and gave John a knowing look.

"Of course son, of course."

Julie realized that she had been sitting in the driveway for nearly 10 minutes. She wiped her eyes again, and went into the house. Her mind was far from that of preparing an afternoon lunch. As she finished, she sat down to wait for Timmy and his girlfriend, Rachel.

Life was turning out far different from what she was expecting it to. A lump rose in her throat at the thought of John. She quickly swallowed it down and forced herself to think of the good things that had happened the last 8 years. Her mood was far more cheerful as a car door slammed outside.

The young couple entered, Tim looking as joyful as he had when Julie had left him. This made her feel even better. She hugged and kissed him, and did the same to Rachel. "Good to see you again sweetheart."

Rachel blushed and returned, "As it is always good to see you too Mrs. Bador."

Julie grinned. "Please, "mom" is much more suitable." She winked and realized she’d forgotten the lemonade. She entered the kitchen and took the lemonade from the refrigerator.

"Now, Timmy, I can’t let you make the lemonade, because I make it a special way." John’s eyes twinkled as they always did.

"You mean. . .like a secret recipe!?" Timmy’s eyes widened in admiration as his father laughed and turned away walking toward the kitchen.

"That’s right son, that’s right."

Julie stopped with her hand on the doorknob. She chuckled and grinned toward the ceiling. "I love you John," she murmered.  She opened the door to the living room, and walked through, a chapter of her life over. Another just begun.

Tim glanced up from the floor. His tear stained face showed no sign of wanting to cheer up. "Mom," he whispered, "Is it really worth it?"

Julie managed a smile and looked her son deep in the eyes. After an hour and a half long talk she'd realized the real problem Tim was dealing with: his father. John, a policeman on the local force had devoted much of his time to keeping the town they lived in safe. It was the night of September 16th six years ago, that he'd payed the dearest price for his service.

". . .and they lived happily ever after: The End!" Julie said the last words with a deep smile and Timmy grinned back, thoroughly impressed with the story she had managed to fabricate.

"You know mom," Timmy began, "You're almost as good as dad." Julie laughed and ruffled Tim's hair bidding him good night and clicking the lamp light off.

She entered the living room and decided to start reading her Bible to pass the time. She would stay up until John came home. He rarely worked the night shift, but when he did Julie made the effort to tell Tim a bed-time story, and wait for John to arrive back, usually around 1 am.

She read the book of Job, reflecting on the familiar story of a righteous man tested by God. She set the Bible down as the clock stretched passed twelve thirty. She began to doze off as one approached. then one fifteen. one thirty. one fourt---

knock, knock.

Julie jerked awake and looked up, unsure if what she heard had been real. She started from the chair when, knock, knock, knock.

Her muscles strained and she realized she was trembling as she looked through the eye hole in the door. A police officer. Not John. She swallowed and prayed a quick prayer while opening the door.

"Mrs. Bador?" The officer looked clearly shaken up and as though he clearly did not want to be here.

"Yes, that's me, what's wrong?" Julie's mind began racing at top speed imagining the horrible things that could have happened to John. Her worst were confirmed.

"I'm sorry Mrs. Bador, but your husband was shot while on duty tonight, and was taken to the hospital not long ago." His face retained it's graveness as Julie's hopes sank lower by the second. She offered a blank thanks and closed the door, springing into action.

"I'm sorry to call you this late Denise, but I need a favor. It's John. . he's---"

"Don't worry about it Julie, I'll be over in a minute. Go ahead." Julie put the phone on the hanger and threw her coat on while rushing out the door.

Three hours later her husband died in the hospital. Tim was ten. He still didn't understand why his relationship with his father was so cruely cut short.
"Of course it's worth it Timmy. He died to keep us safe. He died to keep others safe. We will see him again. If he were here now, you know he would want you to keep going on.

Tim's brow furrowed like it always did when he was deep in thought. He started to nod, which turned into a sigh. "Just wish...I just wish...we'd had more time." The tears came again, and this time he stood up, giving Julie a big hug, and started for the door.

"Where are you going sweetie?" Julie watched as Tim turned slowly with a new determination in his face.

"Visiting an old friend." Without another word, he left. Julie knew where he was going. She grabbed her own cell phone, donning a light jacket and set out for a walk of her own. Her eyes followed Tim's car as it pulled out of their road. She prayed for strength for the both of them, and set off in the other direction, in hopes of obtaining her own answers.

"You don't understand! Why won't you just let me do what I want?! Be who I want to be? AH!" Tim let out an exhasperated growl of frustration, throwing his arms up, and making his way back to his room not bothering to walk quietly. A door slammed shut and Julie winced. It was not often that her son of sixteen lost control and got in her face as he just had. His friends, she decided. His friends were the cause of this sudden change in behavior. She would talk to him when he cooled down. He was smart, and would hopefully listen and not ignore her. She resolved to putting music on.
    Standing up from the mohogany dining room table, Julie delicately walked to the stereo shuffling through the dozens of CD's lying around it. She found an unmarked CD and decided to put it in. Sound filled her ears. Music. Lovely music. She let out a half sigh: she knew this song. As if in a dream she turned and looked around.
    Her eyes moved from one end of the room to the other. A maroon red filled up the walls contrasted with dark stained wood bordering the room. A lighter shade on the wood floor brightened the room slightly. A rug in the middle of African design lay under the table of which eight could be seated with plenty of elbowroom in between.
    Her mind was filled with so many thoughts that it seemed there were none. Timmy. The room faded before her as her mind took her to a place she did not wish to leave. She was in the same room. Same red walls, same rug, same table.

    "Zooooom!!!" A small body flittered across the floor and ducked under the table. A younger Julie entered the room with a smile.

"Hey! I wonder where Timmy went? Hm...guess he'll miss dinner! I heard it was his favorite, Shepherd's Pie!" With an amused look she watched Timmy dive out from under the table and came up at "attention."

"I'm right here Mommy! See? Timmy, right here!" His smile was priceless and he didn't lose it as he dashed to his seat, right next to Julie's, and looked up in anticipation. She laughed and ruffled his hair, circumventing the table to go back to the kitchen.

"Daddy will be home any minute, better be on your best behavior cause he's had a real long day, okay sweetie?" Julie poked her head in from the kitchen checking to make sure Timmy understood.

"Of course Mom. I know. All he needs is a great big hug." There was that smile again. She smiled back and resumed preparations for dinner.
    Within the hour the table was set, the Shepherd's Pie was ready, and the door opened as John Bador walked into the house. "I'm home!!!" He always managed to have energy to release no matter how long his day was.

"Daddy!" Timmy ran from the kitchen into the living room and jumped into his father's open arms. Timmy hugged John real tight and asked him how his day was.

"Couldn't have been better, Tim. And the best part of all, I'm home to see my favorite kid in the world!" He winked and set Timmy down, ruffling his hair as Julie had done earlier. Timmy grinned from ear to ear and slowly walked back to the kitchen informing his mother that, "Daddy's home!!"
   
     "Mom, are you okay?" Julie shook her head as her mind returned to reality and to the room that lay before her, a little less bright than that day long ago. Tim stood in front of her, his face had found its old softness and caring look. She sniffled but quickly covered it with a cough.

"Of course Timmy, everything is fine. I was just listening to some music that's all." She smiled and watched him walk with uncertainty to the kitchen. "What do you want for supper? How about your favorite?" He couldn't help but smile as his eyes momentarily closed, undoubtedly remembering the times he'd devoured Shepherd's Pie and tried to get as many words out as possible with the food in his mouth.

"Sounds great, Mom. I'll go and get the stuff we need." He quickly checked the pantry and grabbed the keys, saying goodbye, as if nothing had happened between them nearly an hour ago, and dashed out the door. Julie stood at the threshold, watching her son slip into the car and drive away. He was himself again, it seemed. She counted her blessings, took in the sunset and warm summer night air, and closed the front door, while re-opening the one to her heart.

Sometimes life has turns that we don't expect. Turns we don't want. Turns we do want. In the end, no matter what we wanted or didn't want to happen that did: Life continues on winding down it's own path, throwing things our way confusing us even more.

What do we do about this? Well the logical thing would be to continue along with it. Let it take us on its journey; see where we end up. Then again, is that the right choice? Haven't we always been told to follow our hopes and dreams and wants no matter what anybody says, no matter what happens?

We make choices in our lives. Choices that have consequences, that have blessings, that have fuffilment, victory, and defeat. We can't take those choices we've made back. We reflect on them, we wonder why we made them, we hate ourselves for making them sometimes; but we can't do anything about it.

The choices people make around us: same same. We might not want them to make a certain choice. We may even give them another, or even another chance to make the choice you were hoping for. The choice you wanted them to make. But even so, when they make their choice, they can't take it back. And what do you do about it? You have to live with it and: continue living.

We live and learn. Experience: that is the teacher that truly teaches us the most.

HEY...people....(more specifically): Kaitlin, Amy, and Kayla!!!!!! How's everything going? I miss you guys already!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ( How sad.

ya...I'm not going to school tomorrow...so, I guess...we'll have to see each other when we "hang out during the summer", eh?

that's about it,

goodbye.